Love can be lovelier the second time around. Whether after loss or divorce finding someone special is thrilling and sometimes unexpected and very worthy of a proper celebration. And, let’s face it, finding someone who can handle the emotional baggage that comes from being a divorcee, widow or widower, as well as possibly an instant parent, is not easy.
However, thanks to celebrant ceremonies, the way that we can now get married or re-married allows for these celebrations and all for the better, I say! Weddings nowadays can be so much more about the union of two individuals. They can also be, and for many are, about the creation of new families. For many women their wedding day is about becoming a step-mother, as well as a wife. For many men it’s about becoming a stepfather, as well as a husband and more and more children are gaining new brothers and sisters and new adults in their lives to love and respect.
So here are a few suggestions of superb ways to honour your partner’s children or vice versa and make them feel that extra bit special on your wedding day…
- Give them a role for the day. Little girls can carry baskets of flower petals and both boys and girls make excellent ring bearers.
- If old enough invite them to do a reading, if more than one child is involved pair them up so that they can take it in turns. Excellent for moral support and bonding.
- If you are looking for inspiration, AA Milne always gets it bang on with Winnie the Pooh. I’d be cautious about asking children to choose the reading themselves especially if they are of mischievous persuasion. I heard a classic extract of a poem written by a child the other day ‘Mummy looks like a dragon in the morning and David’s head looks like a bum, but when they get showered and changed they look like the perfect couple.’ How brilliant is that!
There are many wonderful symbolic rituals out there that are just perfect for including children. Here are some other ideas:
- Unity Candle Ceremony – Instead of lighting the individual candles yourselves, an older child can light the candles and pass them on to you both to light the central candle. The symbolism of this would be pretty powerful too. It would be their way of saying they’re happy for your union and that they’re giving you their blessing by lighting the candle
- Handfasting Ceremony. The children can help in tying the knot and have their own cords or ribbons with their chosen colours included in the ceremony.
- If you are including a memory box (or time capsule) in your ceremony, the children can be asked to contribute something for the box, maybe a letter to the two of you, a poem, a photo or special painting of you both.
- A sand ceremony is another wonderful way of including your step children and symbolises the uniting of the whole family. Have jars with the names of the children on them with their chosen colour of sand and one large jar into which the sand is poured. The grains of sand merge creating a union that can never be separated.
First of foremost keep it fun, make it inclusive and don’t forget to buy them a beautiful present as a keepsake of such an important day.