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Getting Legally Married – An Introduction
Here, I detail the civil process of getting legally married in England. A subject particularly pertinent to me, as it is the one area in a wedding ceremony where a celebrant is currently redundant. Church legal marriage requirements are different again and vary across the denominations.
In this blog, I’m going to unpick the process of getting legally married and, importantly, the significance of the legal signing during your civil wedding ceremony.
Couples continually choose a registrar over a celebrant for this reason, despite the many compromises they have to make to the content, timings, and location of their ceremony.
Why is the legal aspect of a wedding seen by so many to be such an integral element within a wedding, when the registering of other life events, be it death or birth, is not worthy of ceremony at all?
image: Kathryn Clarke Mcleod
What is the process of getting legally married?
The first step, when getting legally married, is to give notice. You need to obtain an appointment with the registration office to give details of your ceremony date and venue, and important details about yourself. This notice has to be given within the district you live regardless of whether you are holding the ceremony elsewhere.
Notice may be given up to 1 year in advance, but it must be at least 28 days before your wedding. The recommendation is to do this between 3-6 months before your wedding day, giving you ample time to assemble the documentation you need.
If you are unable to be married within the 12 months, you have to give notice again. During the unprecedented times of the pandemic, when couples were unable to legally marry within the time frame, it seems that they were being charged again. In my opinion, unfairly and harshly, and a lucrative income stream for a Council.
What documents do you bring to your appointment
When getting legally married, you will both need to provide original documents to confirm your name, age, nationality, and marital status. The cost differs from council to council but ranges from £35 to £65 each and is set by the General Register Office. (GRO). Check with your local council website for the full details.
Image: Simon Hawkins Weddings
What happens at your notice appointment
The questions asked when getting legally married are not to trip you up but are more designed to catch people who are trying to marry illegally or are being forced into it. You will be interviewed separately and will both be asked the same questions, such as confirming each other’s details, names, addresses, date of birth, and occupations, and the same details about your parents.
Your venue
When you are getting legally married, it must take place at the venue you have named in your notice, whether that be a registry office or an approved licensed venue. If you change the venue where you wish to be married, you will need to give notice again and pay the fee again. Another little earner for the Council.
Statutory basic ceremony
There are two types of ceremonies, when getting legally married, offered by the registration services. The statutory basic ceremony, also known as the 2+2 ceremony and the full ceremony. The statutory basic ceremony is the option to request if you want a celebrant-led ceremony. It means that you will have legally contracted the marriage only. The personal commitment you will make to one another will take place at your wedding ceremony conducted by a celebrant on your nominated date, time, and place.
Every council/district is different, but mostly the basic statutory ceremony is offered on different days in nominated offices in specified locations. This ceremony just includes the legal elements needed to contract a marriage.
The only people to attend will be yourselves, your two witnesses, and the registrars. It includes a declaration, contracting words, and an option ring vow.
Image: Venetia Norrington Photography
Full ceremony offered by the registrars
Again, when getting legally married with a full ceremony, this is offered at nominated locations or approved licensed venues, and the exact rules and costs differ from council to council.
This is a longer ceremony which, in the main, follows a very familiar procedural template. Some registries offer a limited amount of customisation, which needs to be approved at least a month in advance. Be aware that if, for whatever reason, you decide you want to change from a full ceremony to a statutory I have heard that some offices will offer no refund or deduction.
What happens on the day
When getting legally married, the registrars will need to have a short interview with you both, together or separately, to check the details to be entered onto the register. They are on a strict schedule and will not want to be kept waiting, as they usually have several ceremonies in one day.
When do you feel legally married?
Vows and rings have been exchanged. You have been pronounced man and wife. Do you feel married?
The groom has been given permission to kiss his bride. There is happiness and joy. Do you feel married now?
Finally, you retreat and duly sign what is now called the Marriage Schedule. Not the marriage certificate (from 4th May 2021, the paper register stopped being the legal marriage record). Now, do you feel married?
The marriage schedule is given to your registrar once signed, who will then register the marriage online. Your marriage schedule will then be posted to you at a later date. Is this when you will feel legally married when you have your certificate in your hand?
I am not trivialising the importance of getting legally married. But actually, at what point will you feel married? I’m guessing it’s when your officiant (be it a registrar or celebrant) pronounces you man and wife, wife and wife, or groom and groom.. The chances are that at that stage, you will not have even signed the schedule.
So why do couples place so much importance ON having it included in their ceremony
There is absolutely no necessity for it to be included within your wedding ceremony, and it prevents you from having a bespoke, customised ceremony reflecting your beliefs and values. The legal marriage aspect of your wedding can be done before or even after your wedding ceremony.
The paperwork is done beforehand in the giving notice process and confirmed during a short interview before your wedding. You don’t receive the marriage certificate on the day; it is posted to you later. So, apart from the convenience of saying the 14 legal contracting words on the same day as your vows, what other benefits are there to getting legally married on your actual wedding day?
Forego convenience and you’ll gain individuality
It’s a fact that people pay for convenience. But people also pay for individuality and personality. You can’t have a personalised legal ceremony. By using a Registrar, your ceremony will be a generic templated script that has been churned out time and time again by a very busy officiant who also happens to be a total stranger, on a strict, inflexible schedule. Is that what you want?
Whilst researching, I have found registry offices’ interpretations of what they are and are not permitted within a ceremony vary considerably. Some are catching on that couples are wanting more personalisation and presumably are feeling threatened by the celebrant-led ceremony. They are becoming quite creative in the ways they circumvent the very rules they are governed by. Others remain rigorous in their enforcement of the rules.
Hopefully, if you have chosen to use the registration services for getting legally married on the same day as your wedding, your office is as helpful as they possibly can be. I have heard of some that have been amazing.
Putting all that aside, the facts are that the current archaic regulations remain incredibly restrictive, so I’m suggesting that you forego the convenience of the one-stop shop legal ceremony. Book a basic statutory ceremony for either before or even after your wedding and start planning the ultimate personalised bespoke wedding ceremony at a time and place of your choice – oh yes, and don’t forget to find a wedding celebrant to help you.
