Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION – REGISTRAR WEDDING CEREMONIES
If you’re not going to have a church wedding, are Registrar wedding ceremonies the only other or best option? The simple and quick answer is no. But the reasons why you don’t need a Registrar at your wedding may need some explanation. So let’s start by clarifying what Registrars actually do and why you may not want a registrar at your wedding.
WHAT DO REGISTRARS DO?
Registrars are employed by the local authorities and to legally bind your marriage. Registrar wedding ceremonies take place either at the registry office or at licensed venues. They are also responsible for registering births and deaths.
WHEN DO YOU ACTUALLY NEED A REGISTRAR?
You need to give notice to a Registrar of your intention to legally marry. This happens at your local registry office and is known as ‘giving notice’. You have to do this, regardless of where you plan to hold your wedding. at least 28 days before you legally marry. This is done by a registrar at a registration office. You will be asked to prove your identities and must sign a legal statement.
A MARRIAGE AND A WEDDING – THE DIFFERENCE
So Registrars deal with the legal marriage and offer Registrar wedding ceremonies, that stick to a formatted script. However, Celebrants like myself, are trained to create bespoke wedding scripts to celebrate that marriage and indeed your commitment to one another.
The important thing to note here, is that there is a difference between your marriage and your wedding. They are not the same thing and this is where so much confusion arises. The wedding is the occasion that celebrates your marriage and commitment to one another. Your marriage is the legal contract and the longevity of your relationship. This is why you DO NOT HAVE to have Registrar wedding ceremonies!
Photo Credit: Rebecca Goddard Photography
LEGAL ELEMENT OF MARRIAGE
Registrars conduct the actual legal element of marriage. By this I mean the moment you are actually legally married, at either a registry offices or a licensed venue.
There is no need for the legal side of your marriage to take place at the same time as your wedding ceremony. Therefore there is no need to have a registrar wedding ceremonies. Think about this, you don’t have a registrar at a christening or naming ceremony or at a funeral, do you? The same applies to a wedding.
SEPARATING THE MARRIAGE FROM THE WEDDING
For many, separating the legal marriage from the wedding is weird. For some, it can feel like the wedding is not real. This, I think, stems from the fact that until relatively recently one could only be married in church. A clergyman, then as is still the case today, is permitted to legalise a marriage. So, when licensed venues for civil ceremonies were introduced, in 1994, they replicated that system.
Separating the marriage from the wedding is a process commonplace in Europe. Couples marry in the town hall and then hold their wedding ceremony or celebration when and where they choose. This is led by a professional, trained to write bespoke ceremonies, a Celebrant or sometimes a member of the family or a friend. This ceremony can be held literally wherever they choose.
More and more couples in the UK are beginning to realise the benefits of marrying this way. Couple are learning that Registrar wedding ceremonies are not the only alternative to a church wedding. Indeed Sophie and Jamie of ‘Made in Chelsea‘ fame did exactly that. They held their legal ceremony at Chelsea Town Hall and a few weeks later they enjoyed a big wedding (a second ceremony) out in Seville.
Photo Credit: NickW Photography
REGSITRAR WEDDING CEREMONIES AT LICENSED VENUES
Councils prefer Registrar wedding ceremonies at licensed venues because they charge significantly more to do it. The fee for a registrar to attend a venue on a Saturday can be upwards of £500.00.
With Registrars attending many ceremonies a day you can see why they’ll always push for a licensed venue. A very useful income stream for local councils. Whereas, the statutory legal ceremony, held at the registry office is as little as £46.00.
At long last this idea that signing on the dotted line at the registry office, then having your wedding afterwards, is becoming more popular.
If you are thinking of going down this route please bear in mind that most registry offices not only limit the number of statutory ceremonies they offer, but also where they’re held. So don’t leave it until the last minute. Furthermore, remember they make more money out of going to venues, so they’ll not over promote the simple option. You may need to ask them for all the options available to you.
WEDDING VENUES
Because of our restrictive marriage laws, coupled with the fact that venues have had to pay a significant amount to comply with those laws, the event managers will always promote Registrar wedding ceremonies. And rightly so. This is because in order to get legally married, you need to go through the process outlined above. Naturally, all couples must be legally married.
Understandably though, it is no skin off a venue’s nose whether a Registrar or a Celebrant officiates at your ceremony. So, what I am really saying, is don’t rely on your venue to provide you with all the options available to you.
In my experience, what tends to happen, is that before you know it couples find themselves booking a Registrar to attend the ceremony at the venue, before they even know it. At the risk of ramming the point home, if you want a bespoke ceremony, you need to ask for the cheaper, statutory legal ceremony to be completed separately from your wedding day.
WHY WOULDN’T YOU WANT Regsitrar WEDDING ceremonies?
Registrars do not write bespoke ceremonies. Registrar wedding ceremonies follow scripts that are formulaic and generic. So, your ceremony will be exactly the same as every other wedding ceremony they do. They are not trained to write bespoke ceremonies. Their specialism is entirely different. It’s the legal element.
Because of the law they do not allow readings from religious texts, songs or hymns.
Offices vary, but generally personalised vows are not permitted without prior approval.
They rarely give you flexibility on the time and date. There is often back and forth on availability and also the time of day for your ceremony. It can often be awkward securing a date and time that is suitable for both the venue and the registrar. Usually you have to fit in with the Registrar’s busy schedules.
This is not the case with a wedding Celebrant who, in normal circumstances, only attends one ceremony a day. Because there are no legal requirements at all, it makes it far less official and therefore, way more relaxed for everyone.
There are many other reasons and I’ll direct you to another of my blogs which will explain all of them in detail.
CONCLUSION: REGISTRAR WEDDING CEREMONIES
Be aware of all the facts before you booking Registrar wedding ceremonies. Consider all the amazing options available to you. Reflect on what you want out of your ceremony. Then make an informed decision. But please, don’t end up with a Registrar officiating because that’s what you thought ‘everyone’ does. You can make your wedding ceremony so much more than that.
Still in a muddle? Want to learn more? Drop me an email.
