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Should you choose a Registrar or a Celebrant? To be honest, for me, this is a no-brainer, but I do appreciate that many don’t see it that way, that the legalities are their priority, resulting in the majority of civil ceremonies being officiated by Registrars.
Please read on, and I’ll explain not only how easy the process is of having a celebrant-led ceremony but also why it will be one of the best decisions you make in your wedding planning.
The legal side of getting married
When you are deciding between a Registrar or a Celebrant, this is most definitely the Registrar’s domain. If your priority is the convenience of having the legal contract of your marriage, taking place on the same day as your celebrations, and the party is your main focus, there is little point in even considering a celebrant. That’s a fact. A Registrar is definitely best for you, as currently only a Registrar can legally marry you. ‘So why am I even reading about a choice between a Registrar or a Celebrant?’ I hear you ask. Well, there’s a lot more to it than that, read on.
Photo credit Maryanne Weddings
There’s a price to be paid for convenience
However, this is the price you pay: Your registrar-led ceremony will be an overall controlled environment, with restrictions and approval needed on content, words, music, readings, and little or no flexibility on timings, dates, locations etc etc. This is one of the main differences you will discover when you decide between a Registrar or a Celebrant. I could go on, but I won’t because I want to explain what you are missing and why you must read on!
A Registrar or A Celebrant – Tell me More
Having a celebrant is not a complicated process. There are no restrictions on anything. There’s total flexibility. You can choose who conducts your ceremony. You can have your ceremony literally wherever you want, even your own back garden. And it’s a whole lot more fun. More authentic. More memorable. And absolutely you.
What’s the catch?
There isn’t one. All you do is separate or remove the legal wording from your ceremony on your wedding day. This is easily done by booking the statutory ‘ceremony’ at the registry office and being legally married at a time or date that suits you before or after your wedding. It is hardly a ceremony. More of a registration. It’s short, cheap, and efficient. Not dissimilar to registering a death or birth. Oh yes, and you need to take a couple of witnesses.
I recommend a good lunch with them afterwards!
Amazingly, these are the only words that need to be included to legally contract a marriage:
First, the declaration, which is said by both parties. Traditionally groom is first, or if a same sex couple, the eldest first. “I declare that I know legal reason why I …… may not be joined in marriage to …… “repeated by both partners. And then the contracting words repeated by both parties. “I take you to be my wedded wife/husband”
That’s it. It makes you realise the compromise you are making to the overall personalisation of your ceremony for the privilege of including these few words. Am I helping you to question whether you choose a Registrar or a Celebrant now?
Photo credit: Caught the Light Wedding Photography
Do licensed venues only use registrars?
No, some advocate either a Registrar or a Celebrant. However, venues will often assume that couples will want the Registrar. It is therefore up to you, the couple, to say you want to use a celebrant. Celebrants are still a relatively new phenomenon, and there is still a massive shortfall of knowledge on what celebrants offer, even within the wedding industry.
It seems that, still, despite every couple being different, just like every venue’s different and every photographer’s and florist’s style is different, it is assumed that every ceremony should be exactly the same! Surely that’s crazy mad? Who wants the most important element of the day exactly the same as everyone else’s? It’s great that these days, you can choose between a Registrar or a Celebrant.
So what’s so great about a celebrant-led ceremony?
Now you are talking. When you are choosing between a Registrar or a Celebrant-led wedding, consider these points.
It’s not just the fact that there are absolutely no restrictions. It’s the entire process. The ceremony is, after all, the whole point of your wedding. So to make it special, unique, and not prescriptive like the Registrar’s regulated ceremony, celebrants HAVE to really get to know you as individuals and as a couple inside and out.
This very fact reinforces how vital it is for you to have a real and proper connection (an overused Love Island word, but relevant here!) with your celebrant. So, choose wisely. By the way, you don’t meet the registrar who officiates until the day of your wedding.
The information the celebrant gleans from you will ultimately result in a highly personalised and bespoke ceremony. It won’t be yet another endurance test of familiar words but an experience that will be enjoyed by all. Indeed, guests will have a deeper understanding of precisely why they are there, and it naturally becomes the reason for the fabulous celebrations that follow.
What sort of stuff does a celebrant want to know?
All sorts of stuff to get to the root of YOU, but starting with ‘why are you getting married?’ This may seem like a strange and possibly rather obvious question, but for me it is the most important. It’s the bricks and mortar of your ceremony script. A celebrant worth their salt will bombard you with questions like this and many more ….. why have you chosen the venue? Why did you propose when you proposed? Why did you say yes? Why are you getting married now? Why is your wedding so important to you? Why do you love one another?
Don’t be alarmed, there are fun ones too! Humour is a huge part of a celebrant-led ceremony. And it doesn’t come from me cracking jokes; it comes from you, your anecdotes, and your story.
Can you see the vast differences now when you are choosing a Registrar or a Celebrant to lead your wedding ceremony? A Celebrant wedding ceremony is truly personal and all about the two of you.
I was described once by a couple as their ‘unofficial therapist’. Joking apart, though, I have been told by many that they have found it a cathartic and important process which brings to the fore the very essence of why they are getting married and enables me to create a script that really does you both and your story justice.
So what will it be, A Registrar or A Celebrant?
Have I converted you? Or will you, at the very least, just talk to your partner and find out what you might miss out on? Have a discussion about whether you really want a Registrar or a Celebrant.
And consider this, are you someone who has always wanted a really personal ceremony but doesn’t know where to start on creating their own special script? If that’s the case, you don’t have to worry, we’ll have a lovely chat, you’ll tell me your story, and I’ll write the ceremony for you.
Perhaps you are someone who didn’t know you had a choice between a Registrar or a Celebrant? Get in touch and I’ll tell you all about the service I provide. And if your partner is doubting, I’ll help convince them.
Have you always dreamed of having your wedding ceremony in your family garden or somewhere equally personal but not licensed? I’d love to help, because weddings at home are my absolute favourites. There is no reason why you shouldn’t have your wedding at home, on the beach, in the woods, or wherever is special and deeply personal to you. That’s another thing to consider when you choose between a Registrar or a Celebrant.
Whoever you decide upon, or whatever your circumstances, I guarantee it will be the best decision you make because at least now, you are making it fully informed. I hope you decide to chat with me further, and you will join those who regularly say why would you want to marry any other way. xx
