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Photo credit: Alex Toze Photography
You’d think you’d be able to celebrate your wedding how the hell you’d like, wouldn’t you? Sadly though, despite it being unfair and unreasonable, if you include the legal marriage within the wedding ceremony, at this moment in time, it is not possible. This is because of the current, archaic marriage laws we have in the UK. So, how do you combine a legal marriage and have a wedding that’s authentically you and not compromised with ridiculous restrictions, on content amongst other things?
Modern, forward-thinking couples are identifying that the legal marriage process is a necessary formality, but not a necessity that has to be included within their wedding. They understand that by removing it and treating it as a separate entity completely, they can take control of their ceremony. Consequently, they can choose where and when it is held, the content of it, and who officiates.
Photo credit: Nick Walker Photography
The legal marriage is no more than a contract
The legal marriage is the contract between you both. I would suggest that it is not the crux of getting married; albeit serious, it merely changes your status in the eyes of the law. It is the official, some might say dull, but essential part of your commitment to one another.
In England and Wales because of the overbearing rules and restrictions in place to legalise civil weddings, real authenticity within the ceremony is precluded.
The ceremonies therefore tend to be formulaic, generic and predictable with little or no personalised content. As a result, couples who want authenticity are turning to industry professionals who provide a service specialising in just that. They create, write and deliver bespoke wedding ceremonies, with no restrictions at all. Literally tailormade. That professional is an independent Wedding Celebrant.
Respected Wedding Planner Georgie from Georgina Rose Events and countless others choose Wedding Celebrants over the alternative, the registration service, for their weddings, purely for that reason. It gives you freedom to have your ceremony your way.
Georgie wanted her ceremony to be “super personal”. If you are in any doubt follow these two links to her highly successfully and brilliant TikTok account where you can hear from the horse’s mouth how delighted she was and why she chose this lesser known option. She describes very succinctly her entire legal marriage and celebrant led wedding ceremony.
Photo credit: Amy Sampson Photography
Including the legal marriage within your ceremony compromises real authenticity
The problem is caused by the mere fact that the legal, official paperwork is included with the wedding ceremony. This compromises the authenticity and freedom that some couples want. Simply by taking it out you can include anything you want and make the ceremony your own. Plus the process, is very straightforward. 40 declaratory and contractual words, a signature on the dotted line or possibly even an Ipad and the knot is tied in the eyes of the law. So, what do you need to do?
Two ceremonies
The concept of having two events to celebrate your marriage has been around for some time, specifically in cultures where multiple wedding celebrations are rooted in tradition. It has had something of a revival recently thanks to millennials wanting more personalisation, choice and control over their weddings.
The onset of Covid19 also meant that couples were forced to have a much smaller wedding than they had originally planned. To get round this they legalised their marriage, and then celebrated with a wedding, when permitted.
Couples who have decided upon a destination wedding also get the legal marriage done beforehand, and then head off to their chosen hot, or possibly cold, spot for their wedding.
Photo credit: Jonny Gouldstone Photography
How to make the most of the legal marriage
Most couples keep this small for practical and financial reasons. By law you only need two witnesses to attend the registry office with you. And who you choose is, of course, entirely up to you. The price for this simple legal ceremony (aka 2+2 ceremony in some councils) can be as little as £46.00 (current cost in Devon), but it varies from area to area. It’s still a lovely opportunity for a special outfit, lunch, dinner or whatever if you want to mark the occasion.
Others like to make it more of an event and choose to have a larger group of close friends and families. This will obviously be more expensive but if you can afford to, or want to, why on earth not? Look at Jamie Laing and Sophie Haboo from Nearly Weds fame – what an amazing and flamboyant time they had!
At the ceremony for a legal marriage there is no need to exchange rings if you don’t want to. The ring ceremony is completely symbolic and nothing to do with the legalities, so it’s not a necessity, at this point, at all. On the other hand, if you prefer to include that element, you can do so.
So how do you celebrate your legal marriage authentically? – with a wedding of course!
As part of your wedding planning, you will have chosen a Wedding Celebrant. As Wedding Celebrants are unable to legally marry couples in England and Wales, you will undertaken the legal marriage separately, as outlined above.
This leaves you free to throw your heart and soul into your actual wedding day. All the familiar trappings, another dress perhaps and, dare I say it, the best, restriction free, memorable ceremony that you could wish for. A ceremony that celebrates you both, your love for one another, and all those who have been on the journey along the way. Your ceremony, your way.
Choosing your Wedding Celebrant is one of the most important decisions you will make. Read some tips on my blog. You are choosing them to be part of one of the most important and intimate milestone moments in your lives. You must genuinely like them, feel comfortable with them, and have a connection with them. Their vision for your ceremony must align with yours. You must trust them. You must like their energy and their voice.
In order to create the authentic personalised ceremony you want, they will bombard you with questions. “Why are you getting married”. “Why did you propose?”. “Why did you say yes?”. “Who are your bridesmaids and why have they been given this special role?’. ‘Why are these ushers so important to you?”, and so on. You see why you need to feel comfortable with them?!
They’ll want to hear anecdotes, of scenarios that make you laugh, of adventures, of how you live your lives, your good and bad characteristics. The good times, and of course the bad. All this information will be weaved into your ceremony script.
The result is an authentic celebratory ceremony that feels very real. Your guests will be totally connected with it and it will set the day up for one of the best parties ever.
Photo credit: Michael Wells Photography
The importance of a celebratory authentic ceremony
Your wedding day is a milestone event. In my opinion it should have your ‘branding’, your stamp all over it. From the dress you choose, to the décor, and most importantly, but I would say that wouldn’t I, the ceremony. I can’t believe how often it is overlooked, but please, please, don’t forget it. Remember, you should not have to compromise on it by complying with rules and regulations set out for a legal marriage.
The rest of the day spills out from your ceremony. You will look back and think, wow, we had a fabulous party! The flowers were lovely, the food was delicious, the table scape divine, but the story that was told, the energy that was created, the words you chose to say to one another, is the heartfelt meaningful and enduring part. It is the foundation of your marriage. The reception, the party, is really the reward for your public commitment to one another.
Never under estimate how important your wedding ceremony will be to you in years to come. Consider the confines of a legal marriage ceremony. Enlist the services of an industry professional, trained to ensure you have a ceremony that is incomparable, memorable, and rightfully yours. Hire an independent Wedding Celebrant like me. I promise you won’t regret it.
